Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
