why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize