No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
