Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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