Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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