I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
