I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
