I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
