Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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