whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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