I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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