My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
