It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
