Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
