when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
