nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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