I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
