I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
