he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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