His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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