Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
smell my finger.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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