I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
