her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
