Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
