You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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