Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
