I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
