ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
