just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
