i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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