Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
