What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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