So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
