just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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