He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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