The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
