do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
