I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
