I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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