Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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