Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
