i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
