i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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