Betty ford says i'm here all night
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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