dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
