WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
