I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
