he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
