Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
