so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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