Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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