sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
