someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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