ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
