his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
