Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
