everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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