Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
