I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
